I am sorry…

 I feel like a fraud that is somehow scamming the system.  It is as if I went to a loan shark to gamble with my health and in turn my life.  I fear that Bubba and Guido will be coming to collect very soon on this massive debt that I owe.  It feels like at any moment MS will pound on my door causing a life-changing and earth-shaking rumble.  This foul beast could come any day now to collect and leave me with very little if anything.

Let me tell you why I feel this way.  You may have read the blog series that I posted called “My Untold MS Story.”  If you have read these blogs, then you know the depths of darkness where years ago I was imprisoned.  I have come back from this dark place that no human should ever be.  I lived and can tell the story like a bee doing a dance telling of possible pollen prosperity.

I currently sit here as a survivor of several tremendous accomplishments for any MSer.  I have conquered these mountains while my MS brothers and sisters suffer from this abhorrent affliction.  I am doing well while other MSers struggle to do basic daily tasks.  For some, it is a challenge physically and mentally to get out of bed in the morning. 

I too have challenges, but I have accepted and adjusted as needed to deal with these struggles.  I am aware of my daily daunting difficulties and realize that there are no alternatives.  Is it my new attitude or just my length of time as a multiple sclerosis patient that helps me keep moving forward?  I would say that these two issues work hand in hand to make my MS life manageable.

We all need to remember that there are those with MS who go to work managing an office every day.  Do not forget the plethora of people who have a spouse, children and even still drive.  There are also individuals with multiple sclerosis who can continue to play sports or hunt.  

We must keep in mind that we all need to run the race that is before us.  The challenges that we face are ours alone.  We need to be mindful of the fact that no one can meet these troubles for us.  Everyone has unique struggles that they face on a regular basis.  Every MSer has issues that are different, and others may not even comprehend them.

I have been fighting multiple sclerosis for over seventeen years.  I will not feel sorry that my difficulties are now less challenging for me than others with MS.  My struggles are no less significant than other MSers they are just different.  I shall not apologize for being less visibly “sick” than others with this condition.  I have been all over the disability spectrum and have the battle scars to prove it.  I have learned and continue to learn daily from my struggles and frustrations.

All MSers suffer from daily struggles and challenges in our own way.  Only we can decide how much to do and how hard or far to push.  Every case of multiple sclerosis is as different as night and day.  This fact means that one MSer cannot compare themselves to another individual with MS.  Multiple sclerosis no longer controls my life.  Now I do my best to steer my life around any MS obstacles and exacerbations. 

Do not compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 20