Hey Cupid, come back you missed!!!

Having to say those dreaded words: “table for one please” is the worst feeling in the world.  The issue of romance and MS has been a significant topic of discussion for an extremely long time.  I have never done a blog on the subject because like a schoolgirl watching a horror movie I fear it.   Since I am as confused as most on the topic of love I thought I would discuss it from my perspective.     

The meaning of love is subjective.  I have seen arranged marriages or even people who wed out of convenience.  Both couples say that they genuinely love each other.  I have heard some couples say that they eventually came to love their significant other.  I also saw someone who was asked if they love their spouse and this person just said “sure.”  Neither of the last two examples sounds like love to me, but who am I to judge.  

The idea of love for those of us with many medical conditions is a twisted torturous topic.  This concern of finding our forever love depends on one’s personality.  It also is dependent on how visible their symptoms are to the outside world.  It may be easier to discuss less apparent symptoms with a date.  It could be as simple as you wobble and need to sit down occasionally.

For me, my MS is more impactful like my visible-to-everyone wheelchair.  However, it could be my less obvious distance vision concerns.  On the other hand, I am not sure how else my MS will impact my life since I rarely get out.  I have always been a little shy, and my multiple sclerosis and wheelchair have pushed my trepidation to heights unknown. 

A major concern of mine is that I do not drive.  The idea that I must ask a date to pick me up for our dinner is difficult.  Like if I was asking my partner to cut up my steak for me, it feels awkward.  It is annoying enough requesting a date to deal with a guy in a wheelchair.  Society is now beginning to accept the disabled in everyday life. Coping with wheelchair life is not for the faint of heart.  That being said I fear having to put that burden on anyone else especially a date.

I do not get out and experience very much in life.  I go to doctor appointments at the local veterans medical facility.  That is not a place to meet the ladies unless you are a boldly confident extrovert.  I do go to church once a week and occasionally to an event that they hold like trunk or treat.  Most of the women that I interact with at the church are married or much older.  

I spend much of my time at the pool in the hours that most individuals my age are working.  During these work hours, I rarely see people let alone women my age.  Occasionally when I do see a woman my age at the pool, she is there only once.  I do not have the confidence to ask these women out the first time that I see them.  After they are gone, I often say to myself “the next time that I see her I will ask her to dinner.”  At that point, all of the courage in the world means nothing as I never see them again.

I tried the anonymity of online dating and found that I do not have the right words.  I do fancy myself as a budding linguaphile, but I do not possess the verbal skills needed to attract even a starving dog with food.  I thought that being anonymous during my online search, in the beginning, would allow them to see me first and not my chair.  I assumed that if they heard the fumbling and bumbling guy that I am, I would sound normal like most guys.  Sadly I did not get a chance to talk to them at all because they never replied to my messages.  Alas, I am apparently not an internet dating guy.

They say that love is hiding behind every corner.  Sadly, I must be walking in circles.  I am pretty sure that I will not be single forever.  Others often tell me that I am a good looking guy with a great smile and that I have a lot to offer.  I wish that this dating thing felt less like swimming in quicksand and more like swimming at the local pool.

When I was on the assembly line for my creation “confidence” was on backorder.  They decided to upgrade my smile and my personality to aid in my dating life.  Sadly it is not the same and has not helped at all.

“One day someone will be 100% honest with you and will love you forever, so don’t give up trying to find them, they’re looking for you too.”